Holding Myself Accountable

Well, here I am, writing a blog post instead of working on a story or a book. Man, I’m so great at this, right? No. I suck. School was done for me on December 15. I don’t go back until late January for grad school. And since December 15, I’ve slept, eaten, participated in Christmas-related activities, played video games, and read things on the Internet. Man, I am just really helping society out, aren’t I? I’m disgusting, aren’t I?

Look at me. I’m a writer. I write. Or do I? I’ve not done much at all this break. I haven’t even taken the time to stare at the screen and say, “I will write something today” until today. And then? All I have is 52 words so far and an updated “book style” version. Wow. Productive. That means I’ve just written more words for a blog post I doubt anyone will read than I have for something I have every intention of showing the world.

Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I’m scared that what I write won’t be good enough, no matter how much it gets edited.

I don’t know. But I need to hold myself accountable now. It’s time to stand up and brush my hair and sit down and write for once. I’m hungry. I will not allow myself to eat until I get at least 100 words total for now. Yeah, not exactly a lofty goal. But it’s still something. And something is always, always better than nothing. Baby steps, guys. You don’t have to write a lot to be a writer. You have to make a habit of it. So even if I don’t get much writing done this break, I’ll know that I at least got something done. I’ll increase my word count goals as my confidence goes back up. Right now? I feel like I suck. And now I have to prove to myself that I don’t.

The primary reason I began this blog was to hold myself accountable. I was going to post word counts every day so that I’d see that I wasn’t doing enough and inspire myself to do more and work harder. That obviously didn’t pan out very well. You can see the remnants of this idea in some of my earliest posts. But this blog has morphed into something better over time. That’s no excuse to ignore its roots, though.

It’s time for me to hold myself accountable at last. I gave you my paltry word count thus far. And I intend to do better. Maybe this will work at last. Maybe this will shame me into going back to my intense schedule of writing. I’ve been lax. But we all have to improve somewhere.

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