i-think-you-re-sexy-so-i asked:
Hi there! I just want to get it out there first that your blog is currently my bible, helping me getting through my novel. The story I’m currently working on is in third person, and focuses a lot on interactions between five individuals, three males and two females. How do I write out the plot without confusing the audience as to who ‘her/she’ or ‘his/he’ is currently referred to without having to use that person’s name all the time.
Aww, thanks! I’m so glad to hear it. 🙂 <3
It’s okay to use characters’ names when you have to establish who is being spoken about or who is doing the speaking. The trick is to figure out when context can do the heavy lifting, which keeps you from having to repeat a name over and over again.
For example, the wrong way to do it:
Melanie walked up the steps and stopped to catch her breath. Melanie was exhausted from the long walk, but Melanie knew it would all be worth it if the court’s ruling went in Melanie’s favor. Andrea sidled up beside Melanie, breathing normally, as if she’d spent the day sitting around and not walking all over the city. Andrea’s fitness irritated Melanie to no end, but as Melanie stared up at the towering courthouse, her irritation faded. With any luck, today would be the last day Melanie and Andrea had to make this frustrating trip.
What’s wrong with this paragraph is that it’s only five sentences long, but “Melanie” is used a whopping eight times, and even “Andrea” is said too often. Even though they’re both women, the context of each sentence should make it clear who is being spoken about. All it takes is a little re-wording.
The right way to do it:
Melanie walked up the steps and stopped to catch her breath. She was exhausted from the long walk, but it would all be worth it if the court’s ruling went in her favor. Andrea sidled up beside her, breathing normally, as if she’d spent the day sitting around and not walking all over the city. Andrea’s fitness irritated Melanie to no end, but staring up at the towering courthouse, it didn’t matter anymore. With any luck, today would be the last day they had to make this frustrating trip.
I’ve reduced the mention of both names to just two times, and there’s no confusion over who is being spoken about. All we need to know can be derived from context:
1. Melanie walked up the steps and stopped to catch her breath.
We know that Melanie is catching “her” own breath, because you don’t catch someone else’s breath.
2. She was exhausted from the long walk, but it would all be worth it if the court’s ruling went in her favor.
Melanie is the only character in the scene at the moment, so there’s no one else “she” and “her” could refer to.
3. Andrea sidled up beside her…
Melanie is the only other person in the scene, so we know “her” must be Melanie.
4. breathing normally, as if she’d spent the day sitting around and not walking all over the city.
A complete sentence contains a subject and a verb, the verb being the action carried out by the subject. Andrea is the subject of the sentence. The verbs breathing, sitting, and walking must be carried out by her.
5. With any luck, today would be the last day they had to make this frustrating trip.
Since there’s no one else in the scene, “they” must refer to Melanie and Andrea.
Now–one question I get a lot is what happens when you are purposely withholding a character’s name (or multiple characters’ names) from the reader. If I didn’t want my reader to know Melanie and Andrea’s names, then I’d have to find another way to refer to them. In this case, it’s usually best to establish a defining feature. Perhaps Melanie has bright red hair, and since we’ve established that Andrea is physically fit, that can be a way to refer to her as well. Obviously you still have to be careful not to overuse these references, but unlike with names, you may be able to find multiple ways to refer to your unnamed character. Just don’t go overboard. Two or three is more than enough.
The red-haired woman walked up the steps and stopped to catch her breath. She was exhausted from the long walk, but it would all be worth it if the court’s ruling went in her favor. Another woman–one with muscular legs and a lean body–sidled up beside her. Unlike the redhead, she was breathing normally, as if she’d spent the day sitting around instead of walking all over the city. The woman’s fitness irritated the redhead to no end, but staring up at the towering courthouse, it didn’t matter anymore. With any luck, today would be the last day they had to make this frustrating trip.
So, see–it’s all just a matter of context and doing a little re-wording. I hope that helps! 🙂
This is a problem that a lot of writers struggle with at some point in time–whether you’ve just started out or you’re writing your fifth novel.