Doctor stuff.





Basically got an official diagnosis of anxiety today. Got prescribed Xanax. I was told that I need to see a psychiatrist, which somehow makes the anxiety even more stressful than it has been.

Remember how I said the other day that I’ve been hustling in order to pay rent and whatnot?

Well, it’s taken a toll on my health to some degree. My blood pressure and heart rate have been making my doctors very unhappy. I even did a 24-hour heart monitor a while back but was told that everything was fine. -.-

My doctor was concerned about how I’m having trouble getting to sleep some nights.

So she asked me what I was anxious about (since I’d briefly mentioned that it hasn’t been great lately).

And that was one of those “Well, boy, howdy, do I have a story for you…” moments.

The more I told her, the more she was like, “Yeah, you definitely have a lot to be anxious about.”

So now I have Xanax. Yay. And I’m supposed to go see a psychiatrist at some point. :/

I went to counseling when I was in school because it was a service available to students. Last May was the last time I went. I’ve been keeping up with my anxiety/depression journal some. And I’m not afraid to vent to people. I’m really not, haha.

But my brain and body are being uncooperative.

So this is a bit longer than I wanted it to be, but I figured this was an important update.

And it serves as an excellent reminder to all of us: no matter how good things are, there will still be bad stuff. But it doesn’t mean that everything is suddenly bad. It just means there are some bad things in your life.

No matter how triumphant I have felt lately, I’m still tightly wound and exhausted. But I’ve made it to a good and important place in my life.

I’ve always had anxiety. This is just a new step in my life, and that’s okay.

Never forget how amazing you are. You have gone through so much already and despite the odds, you’re still going. It takes an incredible amount of character to do and accomplish the things that you have. I have enormous faith that it is possible for you to over come this. If anything else, I’ll let you know that I am very grateful that I’m able to follow you as a blog, and that we, all 10,000 + of us enjoy every minute that you are a part of our community.

Pain may be great, but it is not meant to last.

Your gain shall be great, for this to shall pass.

Thank you. <3

That really means a lot to me. Seriously. It’s hard to think positive sometimes (okay, more than I’d like to admit), and seeing messages from all the lovely people makes it a little easier. 🙂

This has been in Draft Purgatory for a while. But this is what I needed to read right now. 

I’m so grateful for all the wonderful followers that I have gained over the years, and it means so much to me that you have stuck with me all through this stuff.

I’m scared about things right now, but I’m trying to cope. I hope to get back into the swing of things. I need to balance work and life and stress and everything else. I’m actually starting to get work done again, so I’m hoping that things will be okay.

I will do my best to not let you wonderful people down. <3

If it helps, I had a Clinical Psych professor kind of just laugh of Xanax a while back because you can get about the same amount of endorphins from a good run (I believe he said about 30 mins) as you do from a Xanax pill. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to belittle the meds – meds are an important component in mental health and getting better. But it’s always helped me to know that even if someone prescribes you that stuff, you still have control over your thoughts and your body. Same stuff a little pill can do for you, same stuff your body can do if you’re feeling up for a run that day. 

And, hey, you can look at it this way if you like: If you always knew you had anxiety, then getting diagnosed just means that now you have people who want to help you out and fight it! Same guy who chuckled about Xanax also said he’d been in practice long enough to cure anxiety pretty quick (he was teaching instead of practicing, as I recall, because he had a near-fatal reaction to something in the jungle while he was helping… pandas, I think? And his 60/70-year-old body couldn’t quite make the recovery. Real cool guy. Not particularly relevant, but I feel like there might be a basis for a story somewhere in there). The bills will always suck, but they will go toward solving a problem. You deserve to be relieved of your burden.

Anyway, I haven’t followed long, but regardless I wish that the road rises to meet you, the wind always blows at your back, the sun shines warmly upon your face and the rain soft on your fields, and the suchlike. Stay safe. 

Thanks for the feedback!

I do go run on the treadmill and try to go walk outside, but all I ever feel after jogging/running is sweaty. Thus far, I have been utterly unable to feel any endorphins after exercise in any capacity whatsoever. :/

I also have Fibromyalgia, so exercise doesn’t happen as often as I’d like it to. v.v

My normal doctor is helping me out and has given me more meds for the time being. I’m trying to manage my anxiety as well as I can so we can figure out if it’s my anxiety making my heart be stupid or if there’s something else going on.

I agree that I can work further to fight it; I’m at a point where I’m not sure where to start, though.

And your professor sounds like an interesting guy! I’m sure he’s great to talk to.

So far, just talking about anxiety hasn’t really helped it lessen, especially when my doctor was going back and forth between telling me “your problems are valid” and “they aren’t that big of a deal.” I’m looking into counseling and alternatives to it, because I used to do it before but don’t have access to the person I’m familiar with. Acknowledging the problem, for the most part, usually ends with me feeling stupid for being anxious about the things I’m anxious about. x__________________x

Thank you for your support. <3 I got to play with a dog today, so my day was already going pretty great, but you’ve made my night much better. 🙂

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