hey! new to your blog and i love it! i’m currently writing a story but debating on a certain plot point. my mc, Juniper, moves to Manhattan and then becomes friends with another character, Mandy. Mandy has two other friends. you think it’d be too unrealistic if Mandy’s friends got jealous of Mandy for “spending too much time” with Juniper? i had at first planned it out that they would and Mandy + her old friends would pretty much split apart, but now i’m not so sure. advice?

Hi! Thank you so much~! <3

As a perpetually jealous person, I can say that it’s not unrealistic!

There are two types of jealousy, in my opinion.

One type of jealousy is what I call “standard jealousy.” This is when you think someone is going to take what is “yours” away from you. Your relationship feels unstable, and it feels like you’re slowly losing someone or something. Your best friend talks to you less and less every week, and when they do, they start talking about their best friend–and it isn’t you. Your girlfriend is constantly over at someone else’s place, staying the night, talking on the phone for hours with someone else, even when you’re supposed to be spending time together.

The other type is “unfairness jealousy.” It’s not that they’re going to steal someone or something from you. It’s that you’re hurt because if they have time for these other people but not for you, then what does that say about their relationship with you? You start to feel that nagging doubt that maybe you don’t mean as much to your friend as you thought you did. They say they’re busy, but they have all this time for these new people in their life. But never time for you.

Or maybe your boyfriend refuses to hold your hand in public but has no problem cuddling and being affectionate with his female friends in public. You know he’s faithful, but he is giving them a type of attention that he refuses to give you.

Perhaps your friend said she’d go see a movie with you one evening, then bails because she has a migraine, but then she posts pictures of her running around town with her other friends that same evening.

It’s the kind of jealousy that’s born from unfairness, the kind where your feelings are simply hurt but you know your friend or whoever won’t permanently leave you.

They’re still your friend or significant other. But they’re giving other people attention that you feel you deserve as well but aren’t receiving.

The problem in your situation is proximity! Someone new coming to town can make things rocky in even the most stable of friendships, relationships, etc.

So which type of jealousy do Mandy’s friends have? That’ll determine how things play out.

If it’s standard jealousy, they might sabotage their own friendships by sowing seeds of distrust through stalking and other things that prove they don’t trust Mandy with her new friend.

Unfairness jealousy can lead to a lot of passive-aggression that’s honestly hard to explain by the person experiencing the jealousy. You just know you’re jealous and don’t know how to deal with it.

Unfairness jealousy, if aired out, is easier to fix. All Mandy has to do is make sure that she spends equal time with her old friends and her new friend. Maybe Juniper could eventually join their friend group!

Standard jealousy tends to end up a bit more scheme-y, and the jealous friends usually lose the person they were so desperately trying to hold onto.

But that can be done differently, depending on the tone and message of your story.

It might also be difficult to express the nuance of their jealousy since the story is told from Juniper’s point of view. Perhaps you could include some chapters from the perspective of Mandy’s friends?

I hope this helps!


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