THIS IS YOUR SIGN. THIS IS A CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
This is me personally saying, from the bottom of my heart, “It’s okay. You will be okay one day.”
You are unique.
You are valid.
You are loved.
You are enough.
You have always been enough. You will always be enough–and more, more than you may ever realize.
I don’t care if it feels like you don’t matter. You matter to somebody on this planet, even if you don’t think you do. Somebody out there needs you. Someone would be sad if you vanished.
Take a deep breath and kick depression (or whatever else is holding you back or frightening you) in its sorry butt. (Kick executive dysfunction in the butt while you’re at it.)
You matter. You have always mattered. You will always matter. Full stop. End of subject.
I have collected a great number of depression/anxiety/suicide resources over the years. I’m creating a more comprehensive way of containing them and making them more accessible to people who need them. See them below!
(I am well aware that some links are on there more than once. Please don’t message me regarding that.)
I love each and every one of you. <3 Please don’t be mad that I haven’t replied to you yet–I promise I’ll get to it when I’m healthier. I can do one or two every so often like I have been, but I’ve been pretty neglectful, and I’m truly, deeply sorry about that.
And remember: no matter how much things suck, it gets better.
Stand up every time you are knocked down.
It is okay to cry. And it is also okay to be afraid of getting back up.
But when it comes down to it, you need to do what is best for you, whether that’s ending a toxic friendship or learning how to manage your time better.
Everyone needs different things, and that doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else.
You are loved. You are wanted. You are important.
Embody love to the best of your ability, and you will go far.
Take one step and then another step. Your journey will be long and hard. But you can do it.
PLEASE STAY HERE WITH US.
Motivational wallpapers (made by me!)
Self-care help (my personal reserve)
Reminder: You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass. Just remember to breathe.
Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts.
- Draw something
- This website translates the time into colours.
- Create your own galaxy.
- Play flowing.
- Make a 3-D line travel where ever you like.
- Listen to music.
- Ocean mood; do nothing for two minutes
- How to stop worrying.
- Tips to manage anxiety and stress.
- The 10 best-ever anxiety management techniques.
- Self-help strategies for anxiety.
- Helping a friend with anxiety.
- All about worrying.
- 8 myths about anxiety.
SAD, ANGRY, AND DEPRESSED/DEPRESSION
- “I’m always sad.”
- Feeling sad.
- Going through trauma.
- “I’m always angry.”
- Anger management.
- All about anger.
- National helplines and websites.
- Self-help strategies for depression.
- Dealing with depression at work.
- Dealing with depression at school.
ISOLATION AND LONELINESS
- Pets and mental health.
- All about loneliness.
- “I feel so alone.”
- 10 more ideas to help with loneliness.
- How to deal with loneliness.
- Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.
- 146 things to do besides self-harm.
- More alternatives to self-harm.
- Self-harm alternatives.
- How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.
- Getting rid of scars.
- How to help a friend with a drug addiction.
- What is addiction?
- All about alcohol and addiction.
- The facts about drug addiction.
- Helping a friend with an eating disorder.
- Eating disorder treatments.
- Support services for eating disorders.
- Self-help tips with eating disorders.
- Eating disorder recovery.
- Recovering from an eating disorder.
- 100+ reasons to recover.
- Understanding and managing eating disorders.
DEALING WITH SELF-HATRED
- 3 ways to ease self-loathing.
- How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.
- Self-hatred resources.
- 10-step plan to deal with self-hate.
- International suicide hotlines (1) (2)
- Preventing suicide.
- Reasons to stay alive.
- Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.
- Coping with suicidal ideation.
- All about schizophrenia.
- Helping a person with schizophrenia.
- Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.
- Delusions and hallucinations.
- Managing your OCD at home.
- Overcoming OCD.
- How to cope with OCD.
- Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments.
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
- Healthy relationships vs. abusive relationships.
- Emotional abuse.
- Overcoming sexual abuse.
- Hotlines services.
- 5 ways to escape an abusive relationship.
- Domestic violence support.
- Signs of an abusive relationship.
- What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship.
- Surviving abuse.
- What you can do if you’re sexually harassed.
- Sexual assault support.
- What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused.
- How to stand up against bullying.
- How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber-bullying.
- How to help stop people from bullying you.
LOSS AND GRIEF
- How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.
- Grieving for a stranger.
- Common reactions to death.
- Working through grief.
(Other loss and grief)
- Seeking help early.
- All about psychological treatments.
- Types of help.
- All about age and confidentiality.
THINGS YOU NEED TO REMEMBER
- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.
- Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not.
- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this.
- You are not alone.
- You are enough.
- You are important.
- You are worth it.
- You are strong.
- You are not a failure,
- Good people exist.
- Reaching out shows strength.
- Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you.
- Give yourself credit.
- Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good ones or the bad ones.
- Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend.
- Focus on the things you can change.
- Let go of toxic people.
- You don’t need to hide; you’re allowed to feel the way you do.
- Try not to beat yourself up.
- Something is always happening; you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next.
- You are not a bother.
- Your existence is more than your appearance.
- You are smart.
- You are loved.
- You are wanted.
- You are needed.
- Better days are coming.
- Your past being dark doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright.
- You have more potential than you think.
- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling, butterflies x
- You are allowed to be whatever gender or religion you most identify with. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
- You are a darling, lovely individual who deserves love and happiness. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
- You are worthy of being wherever you are in life. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You were created to love and be loved.
People need other people.
Your story is important.
Better days are ahead.
Hope and help are real.
IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS, PLEASE CALL THE TOLL-FREE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE AT 1-800-273-TALK (8255) OR CONTACT THE CRISIS TEXT LINEBY TEXTING TALK TO 741-741.
THE DEAF AND HARD OF HEARING CAN CONTACT THE LIFELINE VIA TTY AT 1-800-799-4889. ALL CALLS ARE CONFIDENTIAL. CONTACT SOCIAL MEDIA OUTLETS DIRECTLY IF YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT A FRIEND’S SOCIAL MEDIA UPDATES OR DIAL 911 IN AN EMERGENCY. LEARN MORE ON THE NSPL’S WEBSITE .
INTERNATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINES:
Want a country by country list? Here are some more resources: helplines
The following sites also provide a country by country list of helplines available:
Feeling generous and want to thank me for my work on this blog? Then please click here and donate to me via PayPal!
I edit blog posts for $5 each via Fiverr. I’d love to help you out!
Don’t have a dime to spare? That’s totally fine! 🙂 Thanks for your support~!
Reposting because of Suicide Prevention Week. September 10 was apparently the main day, but it’s never too late to get help.
You are enough. Asking for help does not make you weak.
You can also talk to TSWatch if you or someone else is considering suicide.
Suicide might seem like the answer to your most pressing problems, but it’s not.
You are on this planet to be a beautiful disaster, a bringer of delightful chaos that enriches the lives of others, even if that seems untrue.
Everything you do, say, think, and feel matters. You affect all of creation with your every move.
You are an earth-shaker and a game-changer. There is no one else just like you, nor will anyone ever be able to take your place. Your uniqueness is eternal and glorious.
Your every move shatters a barrier.
Take a deep breath. Breathe slowly. Breathe three times, focusing on nothing else.
The world is clearer now; it’s less abrasive and less challenging.
Everything about you is gorgeous and amazing. Walk like you can win every battle you come up against. You made it this far, haven’t you? You’re still among the living! What makes you think you can’t survive and thrive?
You’ve got this.
You are loved. You are valid. You are amazing.
You don’t have to believe all this right now. It might take time. But tell yourself all of it–every day. One day, you might find conviction in your tone. Fake it until you make it.
Figure out what it is that you can do–something that no one else can do the way you do it. Shine brighter than ever.
If you are behind on work or other things you need to do, it’s okay.
Don’t let it get you down. Just get it done. Don’t worry about the time you feel you’ve wasted. Everything you do is done for a reason. Trust yourself.
Your every action changes the world. Start thinking like it.
While bullying doesn’t cause suicide, a stressful environment and persistent, emotional victimization can increase a person’s risk of suicide. Together, we can create awareness about the dangers of bullying and give emotional support to those who may be contemplating suicide. If you or someone you know is in an emotional distress or suicidal crisis, please call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
“No one will miss me”, “I’m better off dead”
When I worked at a non-profit that handled suicide prevention, I had access to the donation records. Each month, a specific man donated 15$ to our organization. It was like clockwork.. same day, same man, he had been doing this for over 4 years. It always seemed odd to me but I never questioned it… until I saw a note attached one month. “For Noah — Dad”
his donation was once his child’s allowance.
I can promise you, they would miss you for the rest of their lives.
a masterpost to help you feel better and get through the day.
play with sand
zen garden (video)
social anxiety tips
anti anxiety masterpost
the quiet place
the dawn room
tour of the stars
identifying your type of anxiety
how to cope with a panic attack
anti anxiety foods
make a thought diary
dealing with panic attacks and anxiety (video)
mental illness help apps
alternatives to self harm
if you already have, here’s how to care for injuries
understand self harm and how to stop
butterfly project (self harm prevention)
tips for stopping cutting
how to fade and cover scars
how to explain scars (avoid talking about visible scars)
just relapsed? read this.
need to see blood? cut a white screen.
different eating disorders explained
why you should try to recover
why you need to eat
learn to love your body
recovering from bulimia
don’t put yourself down
how to boost your confidence
loose weight the healthy way (blogilates youtube – great workout, healthy eating, and self improvement channel)
countries (outside of US) suicide hotline list
suicide hotline list (includes US as well as other countries)
talk with someone or help someone!
online suicide prevention – talk it out online
how to help someone who is suicidal
reasons to live
100 reasons NOT to commit suicide
healthy vs. unhealthy relationship boundaries
understand that sexual abuse is not your fault
understand that physical abuse is not your fault
how to move on from sexual abuse
understanding domestic violence and abuse
how to escape an abusive relationship safely
after silence (support for victims of abuse)
do you think someone you love is being abused?
healing and overcoming abuse
speaking out after abuse
restoring your faith in the world
random acts of kindness caught on film (video)
real life heroes (video)
giving servers $200 tips (video)
paying for people’s groceries (video)
in case you forgot the world is a gorgeous place (video)
Most importantly, remember that YOU ARE LOVED.
Detach from needing to have things work out a certain way. The universe is perfect, and there are no failures. Give yourself the gift of detaching from your worries, and trust that everything is happening perfectly.
Vytautaseneyevich (via wnq-writers):
Misery is the universal constant of human existence.
if you needed a sign, this is it. text first. get your well deserved rest. take a bath. cry a little. forgive your friend. forgive yourself. become the person you’ve always wanted to be, now is your time.
You are drowning yourself by overthinking everything. The next time you find yourself overthinking or beating yourself over something, picture something simple and put no thought into it. Look at the trees moving in the wind or take a moment to look at how beautiful this world is. This world is too beautiful for you to waste your time in unnecessary thoughts that are just drowning you.
This time last year I was unemployed, broke, and suicidal.
Today, I just got the keys to my first house.
Give it time.
when you hear people preach that it gets better, they aren’t joking. if it’s not better yet, it will be.
We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.
DBT self soothing techniques
PTSD Forum: Self Care
ED Recovery: Self Soothing Techniques
Addiction Recovery Coping Skills
99 Coping Skills: Things to do Instead of Cutting
Invisible Disabilities Association of Canada: Coping Skills
“Abuse made you who you are now! It shaped you!”
I call bullshit. Abuse didnt shape you. You arent some angellic survivor that needs to have books and poetry written because of. You survived because you had to. You didnt have any choice but to survive or die. Abuse didnt shape you, you did. You saved yourself. You pushed through for yourself. You are you because of you. YOU are why you are who you are today. Abuse fucked you up.
Yes, abuse fucked you to pieces. But guess who glued those pieces together and continues to hold them together every single day? Guess who.
You do. So be proud.
No one else pushed us through. We did it ourselves. We were broken by abuse but we stitched ourselves back together. We snip at loose threads and manage our upkeep everyday. Be proud.
I will overcome. I will make it through. I will rise above the challenges before me. This too will pass. And I will look upon it from the other side.
hey!!!!!! congrats!!!!! why??? you ask???? because you made it to today!!! even after everything !! i’m so proud of you!!
apply for jobs you’re not qualified for! audit upper-level classes! get drunk with your TAs! see that poster advertising that lecture series? go there take notes and ask questions! thank the presenter for talking about this topic you love! if the class is full before you register, email the professor and ask if they can squeeze you in! RAISE YOUR HAND! tell the disability accomodation office to do their goddamn job! ask for help! file complaints! go to class in your pajamas and destroy the reading! you got this! you KNOW you got this! be arrogant enough to learn EVERYTHING! take your meds! punch a velociraptor in the dick! fear is useless and temporary! glory is forever! shed your skin and erupt angel wings! help out! spread your sun!
i had a really good morning! you deserve a really good morning! kill anyone who says you don’t and build a throne from their bones!
If you needed a sign to stay alive…
This is it.
i’m concerned about boys with mental illnesses and eating disorders and abusive relationships and sexual assault survivor stories and self-harming tendencies who never get the attention or care or help they need because all of those things “don’t happen to men” or because “all men are horrible monsters” and i just wanna say if you’re a boy and you’re struggling with something hard, your gender doesn’t diminish or dismiss your struggles or make them any less significant or difficult and i love you and i’m here for you
i feel like a lot of people are having a tough time today and i just wanted to send out my love to whoever reads this. i genuinely hope things turn out the way you want them to, and that you all get a break to catch up with yourselves.
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Christian D. Larson
“And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end… because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing… this shadow. Even darkness must pass.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers
Don’t let even the harshest criticism get you down. You need to let yourself learn and grow, instead of giving up.
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.” ~Douglas Adams
Anon: “What do you suppose each doctor would say to someone who was feeling suicidal?”
Wow. Let me see.
One: Hold on and keep walking, dear. Faith makes history, hmm.
Two: Life is full of things you can’t even fathom. New wonders are there for you to find! I would hope you wouldn’t miss them.
Three: Let life take its own course, my dear. Even stars burn up in their own time.
Four: Take it slow and think of the good moments. Unless, of course, you want to take it fast. Then think of the good moments while running at gunpoint.
Five: There’s always another way. There is always more love. Be it verb or noun, there is always more love for you.
Six: Oh dear, oh dear! One mustn’t cast off this mortal coil before the sonnet is even written.
Seven: Somewhere out there, there are worlds that ache for your feet to touch them. Not only worlds. Universes. At that, there are also towns, cities, countries that would mourn for their lack of your footfall.
Eight: We all feel like giving up sometimes. What a cliché, eh? But it is certainly the truth. You will pull yourself up from this crash and you will spit blood at the universe.
Nine: How long have you lived? No, don’t answer. “Not long enough,” is the answer.
Ten: So you feel small, insignificant? Ah, but you’re a giant. You have to be – to go through what you’ve gone through. To feel what you’ve felt.
Eleven: Right now, the bad may outweigh the good. But you can’t forget the good. Laugh, because you deserve it. Don’t tell me you don’t. You can handle this. Live. You deserve it. You owe it to yourself.
Twelve: You’ll know how to fly this thing eventually.
You’re alive. You’re here. You’ve made it through another day and though there are 365 of them every year and you’ve lived through thousands before, you made it through this one. The world is a better place because you are here, living through another today.
stop believing that you ran out of time to shape yourself into who you want to be! stop believing that its ruined! stop believing you don’t have potential! you are not a fixed being! you have endless opportunities to grow.
So you wanted to start the semester new but failed. So you ended up procrastinating from day three of 2016. So you watched 5 episodes of a show instead of your homework due tomorrow.
So you got off track and off the motivational high that 2016 began with and felt completely off and awful.
So what? These events aren’t something to be proud of, but they aren’t completely going to be the death of you.
You can do this. Re-ignite your fire. Become motivated again. Forgive yourself and start again. Just because it’s January 12 and not January 1 doesn’t mean you can’t start anew today, right now.
Start again today. Learn from the past, and go take on the present for the sake of the future! You can do this. Forgive yourself and move on.
Progress, not perfection.
Take a deep breath. It’s easy to get distracted when your friends have success, and perfectly normal to feel jealous. It’ll be hard, but the best route may be to try and change the way you word your feelings. Instead of “I’m jealous that she’s better than me/I’m angry that she’s doing well and I’m not” try to focus on “I want that success to. I’m inspired!”
Even if you aren’t, at least trying to say that you’re inspired, not upset, is better than not trying. At the end of the day trying is all anyone can do. It’s okay if it takes a while, just try to work on your projects whenever you start feeling the bitter tinge, that way your art can distract you.
-Lou the Lobster
don’t believe anyone who tells you you’re not good enough the way you are, or that you exist wrong, or that everything about you is bad. you’re not bad, you are good enough. they are wrong.
“You are a brave, powerful soul. I’m sorry for your battles, but I’m proud of you that you’re battling daily and you’re still here. You’re stronger than I will ever be.” ~Jared Padalecki
Never forget how amazing you are. You have gone through so much already and despite the odds, you’re still going. It takes an incredible amount of character to do and accomplish the things that you have. I have enormous faith that it is possible for you to over come this. …
Pain may be great, but it is not meant to last.
Your gain shall be great, for this too shall pass.
I’m so proud of you for still being alive, despite it all.
Do me a favor okay?
Stop trying to go back to who you were before. Before you were raped, before you got sick before an eating disorder took over your life. stop trying to be who you were five, ten, twenty years ago. Before the mental illness took over, before he died, back before your parents split or you lost your best friend.
You are NOT the same person as before. You never will be again. Give up the idolization of “before” and be who you are now. Be the you AFTER.
I wish that the road rises to meet you, the wind always blows at your back, the sun shines warmly upon your face and the rain soft on your fields, and the suchlike. Stay safe.
If a problem is making you that upset, it’s always a big deal! Maybe they’re not as bad as you think, but they’re still valid. Never feel stupid for feeling anxious about a problem that is important to you. I hope finding someone to talk to will help.
I think you’re a wonderful person and believe you can get through this. You’re so strong to just do as much as you have and I really admire you for that. … I’m rooting for you! You deserve all the support we have to offer.
It will all work out in the end.
If you want to kill yourself but you’re alive, reading this, right now
I am so, so proud of you for being alive right this moment. Every day that you’re still alive is a huge accomplishment – you should be so so proud of yourself for being able to read this right now.
Turning Negative Thinkers Into Positive Ones
Activities Dr. Fredrickson and others endorse to foster positive emotions include:
– Do good things for other people.
– Appreciate the world around you.
– Develop and bolster relationships.
– Establish goals that can be accomplished.
– Learn something new.
– Choose to accept yourself, flaws and all.
– Practice resilience.
– Practice mindfulness.
You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details. ~Before Sunset (2004), Dir. Richard Linklater
“The best advice I’ve ever received: ‘no one else knows what they are doing either.’” ~Charles Bukowski
“Never waste your time wondering about what might have been. Get busy thinking about what still might be. And trusting that whatever it is, it will leave you glad that what might have been, never came to be.” ~Sandra King
“Remember, for everything you have lost, you have gained something else. Without the dark, you would never see the stars.” ~Unknown
this is a sign that if you’re not where you want to be, you’re still young and your future is what you make of it. so don’t give up on your dreams thinking that you started too late or you don’t have time. you have plenty of time to master a new skill or chase your daydreams. you still have time and you can do it.
“Now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” ~John Steinbeck
When I was in school, one of my art teachers used to say “this world needs more creators. There’s more than enough destroyers in the world today.”
Just a reminder, if you create anything–art, writing, food, machines, ideas, equations, knits, tools, gardens–the world needs you.
Don’t kill yourself, please.
If you’re suffering from depression and are looking for a sign to not go through with ending your life, this is it. This is the sign. We care.
If you see this on your dash, reblog it. You could save a life.
“Don’t compare yourself to others. Really, just don’t do it. Comparison can tear one completely apart on the inside; bit by bit, piece by piece, one’s whole self acceptance may crumble. You must only focus on your own journey and where it is that you yourself are headed.” ~Nicole Addison
i’m seeing a lot of people reblogging suicide hotlines and this is just a reminder that this is a suicide help line that works like a text-based instant messenger for people who may need to talk to someone but have trouble/are uncomfortable making phone calls
- “Never quit. If you stumble, get back up. What happened yesterday no longer matters. Today is another day. So get back on track and move closer to your dreams and goals. You can do it.” ~Unknown
- “Don’t let people’s opinion of you define the choices you make in life.” ~Unknown
- “Your mistakes don’t define you.” ~Unknown
- “Choose, every day, to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and — most of all — worthy of love.” ~Alison Malee
- “Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.” ~Alexis Carrell
And a BIG “thank you” to charactercreationjunkie for noticing that the links stopped working. Looks like Tumblr doesn’t like it when you have a ton of links in one post. Condensed some stuff to resolve the problem.
i’m seeing a lot of people reblogging suicide hotlines and this is just a reminder that this is a suicide help line that works like a text-based instant messenger for people who may need to talk to someone but have trouble/are uncomfortable making phone calls
we are not born to die!! what are you talking about!! do you think a book begins just to finish? do you think a song opens with a beautiful chord just for it to end? you don’t read the book to finish it, you read the book to eat up the excitement and the emotions it evokes!! to learn and to digest and to fall in love and be heartbroken!! you listen to the song to dance and dance and sing your throat raw!!! to cry and smile and swell with the harmonies!! yes, we are born with the inevitable fate of death, we are mortal after all, but that is merely the finale of the play!! the final act, the closing of the curtains – we are not born to take a bow and exit stage left!! we are born to love and be joyous and yell and move and learn and cry and feelfeelfeel!!! we are not born to die, silly, we’re born to live!!!
wheres all the support for the emotional abuse victims
no, seriously. victims of emotional abuse have it hard because they do not have the physical marks or the records to “prove” to someone they were hurt and are hurting. most people will not take emotional abuse as seriously as physical abuse, saying “you should get over it” or “sticks and stones”. thats fucking bullshit.
emotional abuse victims who have been forced to do or say or be things you never wanted to, i love you.
emotional abuse victims who have been gaslighted and manipulated to the point where you no longer know what is real, i care for you.
emotional abuse victims who are told they will never be loved by anyone else and they are not a good person, you are amazing.
emotional abuse victims who feel manipulative and often catch themselves mirroring actions of their abusers and feel sick to their stomachs because theyre “turning into them”, you are not them and never will be. you are so much better than that.
emotional abuse victims who have to live every day suffering because nobody understands how messed up you are from what they said or did or made you do, you arent alone.
anyone who reads this, i care for you. please support all victims of abuse every single day because they deserve it just like they deserve the love and care those in the past have failed to provide them
You are more than how your abuser made you feel. It is okay and natural if you are still upset, no matter how long ago everything happened. You didn’t deserve it.
Manipulation and gaslighting make you wonder if your thoughts and feelings are real and valid. They are, in fact, real and valid. Do you have panic or anxiety attacks, or do you worry that your abuser will somehow find you? Also real and valid.
Your mental health is important. Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist, if you can afford to do so.
It’s not your fault if you stayed.
It’s not your fault if you said nothing while it was happening.
It’s not your fault if you said “yes” out of fear.
It’s not your fault if you let them do that to you because you were afraid.
It’s not your fault if you tried to get away, but you couldn’t.
It’s not your fault if others tried to warn you, but you didn’t want to listen.
It’s not your fault if no one believed you.
It’s not your fault if you thought they cared about you.
Your abuse was not your fault.
You need to be reminded that any abuse you have suffered is not your fault.
You should also remember to avoid being your own abuser. If someone talked to your friend the way you talked to yourself, what would you say to that person?
If you ever feel alone or like you are overreacting to the abuse you suffered, remember that gaslighting (as it is a very popular technique of abuse) can contribute to repressing your memories.
My ex contacted me again, and I was reminded–again–of some of the horrible things he did to me. If I didn’t have an extensive folder of our conversations post-breakup, I would not remember that he used to cuss me out all the time and that he bit me. I repressed those memories. I don’t even remember what he said or why he said it. I think the biting was related to some joke about vampires.
But I’ll never remember what was said to me–just the fear and self-loathing, as if I deserved it.
You are more than what they told you. Emotional/verbal abuse is life-changing.
I used to not have panic and anxiety attacks that often. It was enough that it was a problem, but I’d say they increased tenfold during the time I was with this person and are only just now slowing down. It has been 9 years.
Your abuser made you feel like garbage. But it’s not your fault. You aren’t overreacting. Repressing your memories doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen.
You are worthy of love, and I am so happy that you got out of that situation. You will recover. It just takes time.