thecosmicjackalope:

Vampire: Father, this mortal plagues my thoughts night in and night out. I wish to establish a friendship with her and be her companion from now until the day she dies. How do I do it? I haven’t spoken to anyone outside of the clan since 1576.

Vampire Dad: It’s not as difficult as you think, son. You simply need to be direct, open and honest.

Vampire: Direct, open and honest?

Vampire: Yes, son. Just go to her, state your purpose, and wait for an answer.

Vampire:…….

—–

(Twenty minutes later, bursting through the wall of Jennifer’s house in the form of a giant vampire bat): JENNIFER I WANT TO BE FRIENDS

Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Vampire: JENNIFER I’M WAITING

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